Monday, June 14, 2010
The spring of my discontent
Three days of rain are followed tonight by a green, fresh and cool earth. And my heart aches. The rain not only rinsed away the last of the winter dust, it washed away the last of my contentment. I was thrilled with my life not so long ago. The wool has been pulled from my eyes. My rose colored glasses have been removed. Life is not a journey, it is a compromise. When do we say enough? When do we decide that we must wash away our own dust and start over? Have our own spring?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
First Stone
It's warm tonight. The air is muggy and the breeze slight. It feels as though the weather is sitting on me, weighing down my body. My heart is heavy as well, but not due to the humidity and heavy clouds.
Two people, a couple, whom I had never met came to my house tonight for a visit. It did not take me long to realize that they were judgers. You know the type. They judge your car, your countertops, your square footage and size you up based on your net worth. They are childless. Perfect. They don't make mistakes. They are tidy. They are beautiful and stylish. They are educated. They are refined. They are better than me, you and everyone else.
I quickly became defensive and worried. I did not want them to meet my childen and see that they are loud and lively. I did not want them to see my randomly planted garden. My chaotic desk. I did not want them to judge my laid back life and assign it order.
I understand where they are coming from. I was young and confident once. I thought life should look as it does in the magazines. I thought that having money gave you moral superiority.
But that changed. I became a parent. I got over myself and my foolish misconceptions. I realized that perception is not reality. Some people learn these lessons early in life and they are better for it. They are happier. Genuinely kind. They do not, as this couple so clearly did, have anything to prove.
I am consoled, though. This pristine couple who was welcomed into my home only to notice its shortcomings and not meet my children's eyes is pregnant. They are expecting twins in a little over seven weeks. I can almost hear their ice castle melting. I can nearly feel their defeat when they realize that toys will also litter their living room floor, that they too will have cold scrambled egg dashed across their counter tops. I can imagine their surprise when they wake up one day to find their backyard is not like those in the magazines, but is one in which children play.
Where will they find their self-rightousness then? What will they think of us commoners on that day?
The breeze just picked up. I will sleep well in my subpar home tonight.
Two people, a couple, whom I had never met came to my house tonight for a visit. It did not take me long to realize that they were judgers. You know the type. They judge your car, your countertops, your square footage and size you up based on your net worth. They are childless. Perfect. They don't make mistakes. They are tidy. They are beautiful and stylish. They are educated. They are refined. They are better than me, you and everyone else.
I quickly became defensive and worried. I did not want them to meet my childen and see that they are loud and lively. I did not want them to see my randomly planted garden. My chaotic desk. I did not want them to judge my laid back life and assign it order.
I understand where they are coming from. I was young and confident once. I thought life should look as it does in the magazines. I thought that having money gave you moral superiority.
But that changed. I became a parent. I got over myself and my foolish misconceptions. I realized that perception is not reality. Some people learn these lessons early in life and they are better for it. They are happier. Genuinely kind. They do not, as this couple so clearly did, have anything to prove.
I am consoled, though. This pristine couple who was welcomed into my home only to notice its shortcomings and not meet my children's eyes is pregnant. They are expecting twins in a little over seven weeks. I can almost hear their ice castle melting. I can nearly feel their defeat when they realize that toys will also litter their living room floor, that they too will have cold scrambled egg dashed across their counter tops. I can imagine their surprise when they wake up one day to find their backyard is not like those in the magazines, but is one in which children play.
Where will they find their self-rightousness then? What will they think of us commoners on that day?
The breeze just picked up. I will sleep well in my subpar home tonight.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
seduction of the sprinkler
"Come take a look at this," my husband beckoned over the fence.
I happily dropped my weeding gloves and trotted along behind him.
Our boys had discovered the sprinklers in our backyard. Our eldest, a four year old, was busy filling little buckets from the sprinkler heads and dumping them on his head. "Mom, look at me," he shouted! Yep, look at you, I sighed.
But our youngest was discovering sprinklers for the first time in his life. Having learned to walk only a few months ago, our confident little one year old was playing a game of tease at the edge of the sprinkler. He would venture in a few feet, let the mist brush at his legs and would turn toddling the opposite direction. A screeching laugh announced his retreat.
His boldness grew by the second and by the time the first set of sprinklers turned off and the second set popped up, he was standing in the middle of the spraying water letting it douse every inch of his chubby little body.
After much cajoling, the boys finally made their way back into the house. They were dripping and shivering, but their smiles didn't fade. I hope they will remember this evening. I hope it cements itself deep into their little minds and is there to be remembered anytime they happen to consider their childhood days. This is stuff of really good memories!
I happily dropped my weeding gloves and trotted along behind him.
Our boys had discovered the sprinklers in our backyard. Our eldest, a four year old, was busy filling little buckets from the sprinkler heads and dumping them on his head. "Mom, look at me," he shouted! Yep, look at you, I sighed.
But our youngest was discovering sprinklers for the first time in his life. Having learned to walk only a few months ago, our confident little one year old was playing a game of tease at the edge of the sprinkler. He would venture in a few feet, let the mist brush at his legs and would turn toddling the opposite direction. A screeching laugh announced his retreat.
His boldness grew by the second and by the time the first set of sprinklers turned off and the second set popped up, he was standing in the middle of the spraying water letting it douse every inch of his chubby little body.
After much cajoling, the boys finally made their way back into the house. They were dripping and shivering, but their smiles didn't fade. I hope they will remember this evening. I hope it cements itself deep into their little minds and is there to be remembered anytime they happen to consider their childhood days. This is stuff of really good memories!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Ode to June
The high plains sing in June. Their song is rolling meadow followed by rolling meadow. The prairie grass is green and thick. The usual straw colored horizon is softened by the late spring showers.
Of all the months I love living in Wyoming, June is my favorite. The air is warm, but the breeze is still cool. The earth awakes with wild flowers and song birds. The rain comes quickly and leaves just as fast providing us with a lingering smell of dirt and sage. The light holds in the sky through the evening. Trees bloom. People emerge.
July will be hot and crowded with tourists. August will bring cool nights and mornings. By September, we may see snow, but for now it is June. And I am savoring is sweet tune.
Of all the months I love living in Wyoming, June is my favorite. The air is warm, but the breeze is still cool. The earth awakes with wild flowers and song birds. The rain comes quickly and leaves just as fast providing us with a lingering smell of dirt and sage. The light holds in the sky through the evening. Trees bloom. People emerge.
July will be hot and crowded with tourists. August will bring cool nights and mornings. By September, we may see snow, but for now it is June. And I am savoring is sweet tune.
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